A Few Days to Reflect with Gratitude

Memorial Day weekend can mean a lot of different things: from its humble origins in Charleston, SC, by a Black community wanting to honor those who gave their lives during the Civil War for the cause of Emancipation, to our modern inclusion of showing gratitude to all those who lost their lives in conflicts for our country, to a 3-day weekend at the beach and lots of appliance sales.

In our family, Memorial Day has always launched the Summer Season. We often went to the cemetery to decorate graves or participate in some service, but we always had a party. Mom and Dad traditionally held an annual BBQ in the backyard, especially when a pool was back there. Mom has memories of her mother grilling food in the rain with an umbrella; I have memories of my uncles, young and in their physical prime, wrestling and goofing off in the pool.

While those halcyon days are long past — the beloved pool has been gone for decades, and I am older now than my uncles were in my memories — we still manage to do a little something to mark the holiday.

This past weekend was no exception; Mom was back in the green and feeling great, all of her sisters were in town, her Goddaughter was getting married, and even without the pool, the backyard still has a little magic on warm summer evenings.

Sister Act

One of Mom’s most extraordinary things in her life is her sisters; she is one of six! When they come to visit, I perceive Mom gets unmatched energy. Four of them live in the area, and one lives in Arizona. When all six are around at the same time, it is extra special.

Since the initial diagnosis, Mom’s sisters have been at her side: bringing food; stopping by for long visits; sleeping over; calling and texting; quietly buying this or leaving some money for that; taking Mom out to breakfast; responding with calm and grace to emotional texts from me or my sisters. The support, the phone calls, the texts, the thoughts and prayers. They have done so much to help Mom feel normal.

As soon as the news broke about Mom’s cancer, they organized an overnight trip to the beach for all six of them. They had a blast.

Along with her best friend, my Godmother, they are the people who have known Mom the longest. They are the ones who have witnessed most of Mom’s life. They are the ones who have been showing up to help in more ways than I can write about.

Mom’s sister from Arizona flew home this morning but will be back in a few weeks for an even longer stay. Mom’s sisters here in the Philadelphia area will, I am sure, continue to show up and help in any way they can.

They are all the best. Mom’s sisters, my aunts, have always been an enormous part of Mom’s life and, in turn, a massive amount of mine; I am, and forever will be, grateful for all they have done for my Mom during this time.

A Long-expected Party

The primary reason all six sisters were around this past weekend was to celebrate my younger cousin’s wedding, my Mom’s Goddaughter. The wedding was postponed not once but twice due to COVID, but the happy couple persisted and finally had their special day.

Going to the wedding was a big goal for Mom. While there were days that seemed like attending would be impossible, Mom rallied with a string of green days. With the help of her sisters and my older sister, Mom was able to show up looking beautiful and feeling great. Hair was done up, a fancy dress was on, makeup was applied, and Mom had a wonderful time. Mom’s fatigue kicked in, and she could not stay for the whole fabulous party, but it was enough to see the nuptials performed and get some memorable pictures with her niece, namesake, and Goddaughter.

I am ever so grateful that my cousin could have her big day, and that it all turned out beautifully, and most significantly, that my Mom could be there to witness it.

Family, Sun, Dogs, and Hot Dogs

My older sister was down for most of the weekend, and together with my Aunt, they took care of most things from last Thursday through Monday. Even though I stopped by each day, I took a much-needed respite and was able to hang out at home and take care of some personal business, including seeing both of my older children off for a multi-week trip to Greece. There are no “off” days!

We ended up having a family and food-filled weekend, as usual. My Dad’s sister came over with lots of fried chicken on Sunday, and my older sister made even more fried chicken and brought her two beautiful dogs to visit. We all hung out in the backyard, and Mom was feeling great. The dogs were a treat, the weather was perfect, and the afternoon slipped into one of those hazy and lazy evenings where you lose track of time like only summer can do.

Some of the neighbors were having a larger party, and the smells from their grill were terrific. My Aunt became very excited about what had to be hot dogs grilling over there, so on Monday, my family and I (minus two travelers) came back down for some classic hot dogs and hamburgers. Some old photo albums came out, and there was much reminiscing.

One of my Mom’s best pieces of advice — one that I cling to as much as any other — was this: if you don’t make the holidays special, they just become like any other day.

I am grateful that I grew up in a family that always took time to mark the special days of the year, even if the customs and the meanings changed over time. The memories are thick.

And I am grateful to have had this wonderful weekend with my Mom, surrounded by so many wonderful people, where we could pause for a few moments and reflect on what a wonderful family we have.

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A special thanks to my older sister, Angella, for taking all of the photos; without her, there would be no photos, because I am lazy.