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Mom’s Thanksgiving without Mom

November 25, 2022 by Adrian 1 Comment

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

We all gathered at Pop’s house with the goal of doing “Mom’s Thanksgiving”. My sisters did a TREMENDOUS amount of work, and we pulled it off. But, it was very, very sad at times. I had never before experienced eating my Mom’s stuffing with tears on my cheeks, but I have now.

Mom always read a poem as we sat down and before we ate, and Alia asked me to do it this year… as you can hear in this video, I could not read what I prepared (it is below).

HOWEVER, what happened was, as we were sitting down and as I began to speak, “Ave Maria” started playing — we had been playing Christmas music and this song was often on Mom’s Christmas playlists. So, somehow, it came up next on the shuffle and started playing *right at that moment*.

If you were at the funeral Mass and you heard the singer sing this song for mom, you might never hear it the same again — I know I won’t. To me, it’s become Moms signature song.

Anyway, you can here me say some awkward words, and you can hear the music player start streaming ”Ave Maria” and draw your own conclusions about that (I know what mine are).

Happy Thanksgiving all!

– Adrian


What I Was Going To Read (from Moms favorite poet):

We ignite not in the light, but in lack thereof,
For it is in loss that we truly learn to love.
In this chaos, we will discover clarity.
In suffering, we must find solidarity.

For it’s our grief that gives us our gratitude,
Shows us how to find hope, if we ever lose it.
So ensure that this ache wasn’t endured in vain:
Do not ignore the pain. Give it purpose. Use it.

We’ll observe how the burdens braved by humankind
Are also the moments that make us humans kind;
Let every dawn find us courageous, brought closer;
Heeding the light before the fight is over.When this ends, we’ll smile sweetly, finally seeing
In testing times, we became the best of beings.

— Amanda Gorman
“The Miracle of Morning”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Mom is Going on Hospice

September 7, 2022 by Adrian Leave a Comment

We met with Mom’s oncologist this morning.

Mom is going to pursue going on hospice. She will be meeting with the hospice people in the next couple of days.

Mom’s oncologist felt MRI did not show us anything new, that the previous CT scans saw something in her liver, and this confirms that, but it also confirmed that it has not grown. He said the takeaway from the MRI was that things were stable. He felt there was nothing to concern ourselves with regarding Mom’s liver.

He stated that while there was another type of chemo that some patients go to, there was nothing to suggest that it would give mom any significant increase in survivability and that the symptoms would be worse.

He stated that there was a pill that is sometimes prescribed but that the gains were negligible, and again, the impact is significant.

He supports Mom’s choice to pursue hospice, and he feels it is the best course of action.

He wants to focus on treating and either reducing or eliminating any of Mom’s current symptoms and for us all to focus on improving and sustaining Mom’s quality of life for the time that remains.

When asked, he said that he did not think it was likely that Mom would have more than six months with us, but it could be closer to three — but also that the only thing you were guaranteed when someone gave you a timeframe on your life was that they would be wrong.

In any event, that is where we are right now.

I have a lot more say and feel about all of this, but I will leave it here for now.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

A Day on the Beach

July 22, 2022 by Adrian Leave a Comment

Mom was in high spirits today and got dressed in her best beach clothes and spent the day with us on the beach.

It is our last day here at this beach house we’ve been renting each July since 2005, and there is a good chance we won’t be back next year for a lot of reasons.

It’s been a heavy week, more melancholy than fun, until today.

Yesterday we had to push mom in her beach wheel chair down to the surf. I joked with her that we had a plot twist — that I was going to push her right out to sea. Mom joked back, “Please do!”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Adrian Hoppel (@adrianhoppel)

Mom and I did get a nice photo together on the beach, with a seagull, but otherwise, yesterday was a bit of an ordeal.

Today was a blast, and Mom even wanted to order in a huge seafood feast and drove with me to Mike’s Seafood to pick it up.

A Great Day.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

An ER Vigil in Atlantic City

June 17, 2022 by Adrian Leave a Comment

After a super fun day shopping in Brigantine, NJ and soaking up some sun on the beach, but felt very ill by late afternoon. She started running a small temperature, which kept climbing.

Mom’s temp spiked this evening to 102 and we took her to hospital in Atlantic City. What follows is a sort of raw account of the night, though it leaves a lot out (like the fight in the hallway outside of our room, the gun shot wound patient who came up and coded, and the absurd nurse we started out with until someone normal came on shift.

###

Alia and I are here with her now as they do a full sepsis workup and get the antibiotics and other IVF up and running.

UPDATE 0019: Mom is doing much better on the IVF and antibiotics. Waiting for results from blood work and figure out next steps. If they want to admit mom we’ll want to transfer back to Penn which I guess is an ambulance ride down the AC Expressway. Or maybe they’ll let us go home.

UPDATE 0058: So far everything is coming back where it was; they don’t know where the fever is from. Mom is neg on COVID and flu and RSV. They want to admit so they are reaching out to transfer team to transfer Mom to Penn.

UPDATE 0145: Moms been accepted for transfer at Penn, but there are no beds available. So she’s in line for a bed there; in the meantime they will admit mom here if they can and wait until Penn calls.

UPDATE 0526: Still in the ER room… all night for Alia and I in wooden chairs. Moms temp was normal a few hours ago. Waiting for a room here where mom can wait for a room at Penn. Her ANC and WBC are too low for discharge and so we are stuck in limbo and nobody has any rooms.

UPDATE 1209: Mom is admitted to the AC hospital, though she is still in the ER hold room. Could be worse; it’s a private room with a private bathroom. The doctors today are amazing, and her nurse is wonderful. We tucked mom in after she ate breakfast and got her morning meds and Alia and I went back to the beach house to clean up, rest a little, and go from here. A lot depends on if a bed becomes available at Penn and they transfer her, or it is possible while Mom is at the AC hospital her cultures come back negative, and her ANC rises enough, and she’ll just be discharged from there and join us back at the beach house for a few more days. It’s all out of our hands for now; I have so much more to say but you’ll have to wait for the update post. I’ve been up for 30 hours straight and most of that spent in a torture chair so I’m going to take a nap. L8er

Filed Under: Uncategorized, Update

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Round Four Out the Door

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Faith and Reason

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Life is Full of Gems

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An ER Vigil in Atlantic City

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A Day on the Beach

July 22, 2022

Round Two Complete

August 10, 2022

Not Very Good at All

August 24, 2022

Mom is Going on Hospice

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A Hard Week

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A Liminal Time

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Memorial Arrangements for Maria Hoppel

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Mom’s Thanksgiving without Mom

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And So This is Christmas

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